A growing body of evidence shows that same-sex couples have a great deal to teach everyone else about marriage and relationships. Most studies show surprisingly few differences between committed gay couples and committed straight couples, but the differences that do emerge have shed light on the kinds of conflicts that can endanger heterosexual relationships.
The findings offer hope that some of the most vexing problems are not necessarily entrenched in deep-rooted biological differences between men and women. And that, in turn, offers hope that the problems can be solved.
"..the most vexing problems are not necessarily entrenched in deep-rooted biological differences between men and women."
Of course.
The idea that men and women are so fundamentally different that relationships must be based on a complementary (and conflicting) balance is not inborn. It is purely a social construct, and the experience of same sex couples can teach the rest of us a few lessons.
Notably, same-sex relationships, whether between men or women, were far more egalitarian than heterosexual ones. In heterosexual couples, women did far more of the housework; men were more likely to have the financial responsibility; and men were more likely to initiate sex, while women were more likely to refuse it or to start a conversation about problems in the relationship. With same-sex couples, of course, none of these dichotomies were possible, and the partners tended to share the burdens far more equally.And yet, at the same time, same-sex couples also experience what this researcher calls the demand-withdraw” interaction.
One of the most common stereotypes in heterosexual marriages is the “demand-withdraw” interaction, in which the woman tends to be unhappy and to make demands for change, while the man reacts by withdrawing from the conflict. But some surprising new research shows that same-sex couples also exhibit the pattern, contradicting the notion that the behavior is rooted in gender, according to an abstract presented at the 2006 meeting of the Association for Psychological Science by Sarah R. Holley, a psychology researcher at Berkeley.So, not only do straight and gay couples have more in common with each other, so do men and women.
Once we start treating each other as individuals, stripped of pre-conceived gender norms and biases, we will all be better able to navigate the minefield of our relationships.
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6 comments:
Great article, John. I agree with that completely.
"The idea that men and women are so fundamentally different that relationships must be based on a complementary (and conflicting) balance is not inborn. It is purely a social construct..."
This would kinda take the wind out of some anti-gay advocates' sails, doesn't it? To say that people must stay within the confines of their biological gender roles, which I also believe are social constructs in modern times, is so limiting. I think it has long outdated any usefulness it may have had evolutionarily speaking.
Jane, I'm glad you added "in modern times", because certainly no one disputes that gender roles have some validity from an evolutionary point of view.
The best thing about the 21st century is that we can really be free to do our own thing.
No single family structure is necessarily any better or worse than another, so long as we respect each other.
"No single family structure is necessarily any better or worse than another, so long as we respect each other."
Rubbish
In this PC day in age, nothing can be "better" than anything else.
Its ridiculous. Of course some people are better at doing things than others. Of course normal parents are better than same-sex parents.
This false idea of "equality" is part of the radical leftist agenda intended to secularize and divide us further.
What happened to the Obama/Patrick "yes we can" mantra?
Aren't you supposed to be bringing people together?
You know, like walking into a party convention intent on dividing people?
That doesn't seem to be very Obama like. Why don't you and Toleos and KTN practice what Deval and Obama preach - Unity, togetherness, change!!!!!!!!
"This false idea of "equality" is part of the radical leftist agenda intended to secularize and divide us further."
Equality is not the same as sameness.
I am not advocating a "Harrison Bergeron" world.
Just equality under the law.
And every serious person knows that same-sex couples can be, and often are, perfectly suitable parents.
As to the secular claim?
"There are neither Jews nor Greeks, slaves nor free people, males nor females. You are all the same in Christ Jesus."
yes we can
Si, se puede.
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