Tuesday, April 01, 2008

New Documents Discovered

VATICAN CITY - A Vatican restoration project in Pope Benedict's private quarters has yielded an extraordinary discovery that will likely shake Christendom to it's very core. Vatican Spokesman Albino Stefano said that an accident in the Pontiff's home has led to the discovery of the oldest copy of St. Paul's letters to the congregation at Corinth. The documents were discovered when workmen, installing a new floor above the the Pontiff''s lavatory, fell through the ceiling below. Pope Benedict XVI was quoted as saying:

I was sitting on the toilet when suddenly a leather bound manuscript crashed through the ceiling above me, landing at my feet. It was of extraordinary quality and I immediately recognized the script as ancient Greek. It contained St. Paul's epistles to the Corinthians. Paul's penmanship indeed leaves much to be desired, but I immediately turned to my favorite scripture at 1 Corinthians 6-9. Apparently the ancient translators had difficultly reading his writing, but this version was quite clear.
"What! Do you not know that unrighteous persons will not inherit god's kingdom? Do not be misled. Neither fornicators nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men kept for unnatural purposes nor men who lie to men."

Until Vatican translators examine the documents in greater detail, it remains unclear what the Church will do with this information, but Pope Benedict seemed amendable to a change in Catholic Doctrine.

"It is truly fabulous", the Pope was quoted as saying.

Protestant theologians were less impressed:

Reverend Josef Schmidt of the Munich based Evangelical Lutheran Church notes that not since Martin Luther's day did God routinely grant revelation to Prophets sitting on a toilet.

"We must remember that Martin Luther was a special case, suffering from extreme constipation. I am not aware the the Pope is so blessed", the Reverend said.
Jewish theologians were more sanguine:

Rabbi Jacob Cohen, speaking from his office in New York City, was overjoyed.

I have always thought that Moses misconstrued a fair amount of Leviticus , and it is enlightening to learn that Paul, a learned man of the Law, had corrected Moses error. It is a testament to G-d's love that despite the differences between Christians and Jews, we all have more in common than we have in conflict. We all do some of our best work while sitting on a toilet, the Rabbi said.

4 comments:

Fannie said...

hee hee hee

Jane Know said...

""We must remember that Martin Luther was a special case, suffering from extreme constipation. I am not aware the the Pope is so blessed", the Reverend said."

haha.

Is this story true?! *I'm going to google it right now*

John said...

They even found his toilet:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/3944549.stm

John Hosty-Grinnell said...

LOL!